11.03.2009

afloat

the universe has a funny way of telling you "hey dude, you got it all wrong! it's time to redirect and here's a not-so-gentle shove in the right direction."

the past few months have been rather revelatory for me in so many ways. i have discovered a lot about myself and my faults and dreams and aims in this life. life has taken me on a voyage that i never expected to venture through. and fortunately i'm staying afloat. there have been days where that simple didn't seem possible. i was facing, what seemed to me at the time, the ultimate disgrace and challenge. i discovered in myself, or rather re-discovered a keen sensibility to the message that is being conveyed. my faith in many things has fallen short and my commitment to myself and to becoming a better person has grown exponentially.

i could spend hours playing a blame game and citing reason upon reason why the world has done me wrong. but ultimately that will get me nowhere. i have come to learn over the past weeks and months that i truly am the author of my own destiny and karma is a big ole nasty bitch so don't piss her off. i have come to realize that some people do wrong and others do right and neither is exclusive to either party. what i mean by that is that i want to be known as the a person that is good and right and faithful to strong and genuine and caring. i want to be known as a person that is conscientious and contemplative. i want to rediscover that inner reflection and carry myself with an air of spirituality. I want to live each moment and be sure that i am striving forward.

i know that through these experiences that i am still overcoming i have learned so much about the me that i shouldn't be. i won't lie it has been a huge and almost unbearable struggle. there were days on end where the slightest stress threw me into a bought with tears and anxiety like nothing else. i have felt so alone and abandoned through these trials that i have come to realize the great importance of maintaining and actively working to build up healthy and positive relationships with others.

i'm still struggling. i still often go through days where i just don't know what to do. my self esteem and self worth aren't quit in the toilet but they're for sure hanging out on the underside o' the seat.

i feel a distinctive assistance from forces i can't define right now. i feel a definite presence and direction in my life that is absolutely in a positive direction. i hope and pray that i will continue in that positive direction.

i look forward with my minds eye and look to all that i aspire to knowing that soon it will all be a reality for me.

and in my corny fashion here are some words of encouragement that have lifted me up lately:

The Climb lyrics
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith,

nathan - signature 001

2 comments:

hiddeninthelight said...

I feel like I can relate to so much in this post, but didn't know how to really express it, so thanks for that.

Also, I'm sure I've told you this before, but I REALLY love the music on your blog. Sometimes i just come here for the music. Thanks man!

Bror said...

I'm glad your back. I have missed your posts. Thanks.