letter to a childhood friend

i keep writing letters to friends. i feel this obligation to work on my relationships with others and mend them as best i can. this is a letter that i recently sent to a once dear friend from my childhood.

dear XXX---

i was going through some stuff and i came across the letters that you wrote me on my mission. i started crying. i can't help but think that when we were both on our missions it was the one time that we have been the closest. XXX you're an amazing person with so much potential and great talent. i genuinely miss your friendship. i'm so sorry about whatever has made you not want to talk to me. i hate the feeling that it gives me. i'm working hard on a lot of things in my personal life and mending bridges and reaching out to those that mean so much to me is one thing that i'm striving for right now.

XXX in your letter you said:

" 'Be patient in afflication, for thou shalt have many, but endure them' (D&C 24:8) Nathan, I think that when i read that that was the first time i really understood the purpose of life. I know that sounds pathetic and just dumb but its true. We've heard it all our lives but suddenly it was real for me... So what's the point, Nathan... thank you. Thanks for being such an awesome example to me, for being a strength and above all a friend. Friendship is love and that's really all that matter in this life and in the eternities. Love you! Elder XXX"

i miss that XXX. above all i owe you an apology for not maintaining the person that i should have always been. in selfishness i lost sight of what i know is true. and i let you and others down in the process. i don't regret much in life but i do regret letting people down. it's funny how the tables turn in life and the ones that you once relied on become the ones that now rely on you. XXX, life has been very very very hard for me over the past 5 or 6 years. i've found myself in situations that i never thought i'd deal with. but the most difficult is losing people that i once relied on for their friendship and heartfelt strength. XXX i know that i can never take away the past but i know that we all can build upon those moments great, small and amazing or shameful. we can build on those moments to make us better people and push us towards perfection.

XXX, again i find myself in tears wishing that i could call you up and express my deepest and most sincere apology to you. i genuinely miss you and want to do all that i can to mend this... whatever that has divided us so deeply.

XXX i'm not perfect but my testimony has never changed. i know that god lives and that he loves us no matter what we may go through or do. i know XXX that our elder brother stands beside each of us each and every day as we strive to do what is right. XXX i know that he is the savior of the world and that his atonement is what ignites the power of the spirit even in one like me. XXX i know as sure as anything that the spirit of the lord does strive to inspire men to do good and turn their hearts toward god. i know it because i have felt the power of that spirit in my life continually. i feel great privilege when that spirit inspires me and touches my heart. XXX i know that men are that they might have joy and that true and everlasting joy is found in lifting up those around us toward a more perfect life as we ourselves strive to follow the right.

XXX, i'm so sorry. i'm so very sorry. please forgive me.

always your eternal friend,
nathan - signature 001


Z i n j said...

Hi...I'm just curious if your friend responded and why he abandoned the friendship? Kool stuff!!!

beaux said...

i've not heard anything back yet from him. we'll see what happens. he's generally slow to reply to anything. i really don't know why he hasn't responded or why he chose to quit talking to me all of a sudden. but it really hurts.