The Universe Is Speaking...

Decidedly there is more to life than just work, but working tends to animate, if not define one's life. There is more to existence then working and hopefully if you've played your cards correctly you have found some work that fulfills you and helps you to express your inner or outward wants and needs. The definition of self, in simpler times was often as easy as looking to family or faith. However, today, if not over the past 20 years, it seems as if life has become exponentially more complicated with the introduction of each new avenue of communication, expression, stimulus and general increased technological advancements. Life has become more complicated with the advancement of society and yet presumably more simplified as each advancement that is designed to ease our burdens.

I have been unemployed now for a little over 4 months. Each new day is another challenge and exercise in patience and self-motivation. Each morning I wake having gone to bed convincing myself that the next day would be different than its predecessor. As I rise, attempting to define my day, I come up with nothing. When faced with day after day of nothing I find myself lost,completely void of definition and unable to or perhaps even unwilling to fill my day.

It's a sad sad reality that I have come to own, to live, to embody. Yet I'm still smiling.

Many, if not most individuals that find themselves in this situation would be a) thoroughly depressed and without resort, potentially even suicidal b) high 24/7 and sucking the life out of government funds or c) other. I fall into category "c" other. I haven't completely hit rock bottom and I haven't found myself without plenty of time to contemplate where or what I should be or be doing. Life has afforded me an opportunity to reflect, if not plan my purpose, my dreams, my aspirations, and my desire to, somehow impact this world for the good.

I can't help but wonder, day after day, what it is that the universe is trying to tell me. Many will note that not too long ago I openly and widely expressed my intentions to join the Navy, well that's slowly finding an alternate route out of my near future and though I still hope to be a part of the military I'm just not entirely convinced that it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I have often felt that I am intuitively connected and in-tune to my own self, some would simply call it self-aware. I feel that it is far beyond awareness, it's nearly a spiritual connection. I feel as if i know myself very well. But right now I think we're fighting, myself and I.

I suppose at this juncture I need to take the wheel back from Jesus and recapture absolute control of my life in the most proactive sense. I have had plenty of time to define myself and my foolish aims and have yet come to a definitive end. I have to admit that I have been somewhat passive over the past year and have followed the advice of an indecisive universe. While I believe, to a certain extent that there is something to be said about the directionality of the universe I also am growing to believe that I need, no must take absolute control of my life and only seek occasional counsel from that anonymous universe that points us towards our most productive future.

I must learn to take my definition of self and create it on my own. It's not that I don't know myself, like I said I'm very self aware. It's simply that without an occupation, or something to fill my time I feel that I am without aim, without goal, without ambition. That is a pure contradiction of how I see myself. I see myself as one with untold potential, with great ambition, with capacity to do far more than sum of my own self. I can't squander my gifts and can't define myself by the employ of someone else. I am much more than that! I am greater than the sum of the ideas that others have formed of me...

I am defined by me and me alone. I create my own destiny and cannot rely and refuse to depend upon the will, the effort, the zeal, the accomplishments, the actions of others.

Today the universe is speaking to me and it's telling me, "if you want it YOU must make it happen. No one else will make ti happen for you!"

Believe in yourself and change the world!

nathan - signature 001

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